Polyamorous Couples Therapy and Kink Friendly Therapy
“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new. —Ursula K. Le Guin”
Couples and Relationship(s) Therapy
The pursuit of love is something on which we are hyper focused. Nearly every story we are told, likely as early as you can remember, has a love story in it. Or, it is the main focus of the story. Love is also hardwired into us. We are told in order to feel emotionally safe and secure, we need someone with whom we can feel completely vulnerable. Therefore, it makes sense that love and romance gives us a profound sense of joy, thrill, and satisfaction.
It also makes sense that the opposite is true. It’s very difficult not to feel an abundance of distress and emotional pain if our romantic relationship situation is chaotic, numbed, or strained. Throw in all the advice available to us online and from people in our lives, it’s hard not to feel overwhelmed, lost, or stuck. Whether you are monogamous or polyamorous, it is hard not to struggle with the weight of love’s pursuit. That's why we offer polyamorous couples therapy.
There is no shame in saying you need a polyamorous therapist or couples therapist for support!
Admitting that polyamorous couples therapy is needed for your relationship or relationships is difficult as well. Love is “supposed to” just happen. Or “be easy” and “feel right”. But love and relationships are always changing and evolving. The deeper we connect, the longer we are together. Plus, the more attached we become, the more effort is needed to make love endure, not less. It’s hard not to get comfortable and fall back on societal messaging and family of origin dynamics. These tell us we should be masters of something we were never instructed how to do. A massively important aspect of our lives, becomes something that we judge our self-worth upon. This creates a cycle of trial and error, which puts us in very confusing, anxious, and lonely states of being.
Individuals Place A Lot of Pressure On Themselves
We also place high demands on ourselves, our partners, and the expectations of role fulfilment that we have for them. Esther Perel, a well known couples therapist and author says, “Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?”
Monogamy or Polyamory, it does not matter, we still set ourselves up to blindly try and navigate putting very high expectations on the roles our partners are supposed to fill and excel at. We judge ourselves harshly for how good we are at being a partner against this standard. And, we do the same to new partners and partners we have been with for decades. We often start pondering just how “good enough” we are or how “good enough” our partners are. It is easy to feel helpless when you’re lost in these feelings and thoughts.
What Can I Expect from Polyamorous Couples Therapy in Madison, WI Involve?
Polyamorous couples therapy and relationship counseling in Madison, WI often starts with the partners attending the first session together. Then each individual partner has an individual session with the polyamorous friendly therapist. This happens so the therapist can get to know each partner’s history and unique perspective on what brings them to therapy. After that, all sessions are with all partners present. Marriage counseling and couples counseling is not about fight mediation, and identifying who is right and who is wrong. It is about examining communication patterns together and identifying the emotional stories that are within them. Therapy is less about identifying “fair fighting” techniques and more about improving connection and healing from disagreements.
Anyone can seek in-person or online therapy for their relationships. Whether you have only been dating for a few months, you and your partner(s) want to work through some small issues to prevent them from becoming larger, you are looking to explore polyamory for the first time, or you have been feeling stuck and strained in your relationship for some time and desire to find a path toward healing. No matter your relationship status or level of distress, it is healthy to explore how to grow in your relationship.
Couple and relationship therapy can help with:
Improving connection and ability to be vulnerable
Identifying how you give and receive love
Navigating your attachment style
Rebuilding sexual intimacy
Exploring the polyamory or kink lifestyle
Identifying your core hurts and narratives of pain
Processing and healing of fights in healthy ways
Understanding how your family of origin and the systems you grow up in impact your relationship
Begin Polyamorous Couples Therapy and Kink Friendly Therapy in Madison, WI
When you are ready to start therapy, we are here for you. We know that getting started with a new therapist can itself be a source of stress and worry, so we make it simple! Our Madison, WI-based polyamorous and kink friendly therapists can even help you anywhere in the state with online therapy in Wisconsin. To get started, just follow these three steps:
Call our office at 608-571-0558 or e-mail us to make an appointment
Start connecting and communicating with your loved ones
More Mental Health Services at Golden Vibes Counseling Center
At our Madison, WI therapy clinic, we want you to feel comfortable. We know you are a multi-faceted person with a wide range of needs and concerns. That's why we have a lot of different ways to serve you. From therapy in our chic, contemporary counseling space to expert online counseling in Wisconsin, we are ready to meet you where you are. Our professional therapists can help you using a variety of approaches including CBT, EMDR, and Brainspotting. These methods can help with sexual assault recovery, depression treatment, anxiety therapy, reproductive or maternal mental health, multicultural counseling, and more. We also specialize in LGBTQAI+ counseling and poly-affirming therapies and can assist with gender-affirming care. We truly look forward to meeting you and getting to know you as an individual.